The Bible: A Gift That Keeps On Giving

Last week we focused on King David.  As we considered the ways David abused the power and privileges God granted him, we came to appreciate the relevance of the Bible.  David’s relationship with women anticipated the need for the Me Too Movement.  David’s troop deployment anticipated the use of wars we hear about on the news to implement the nefarious political aims.  Reading and reflecting on the Bible provided us with insights about our civic life.  Reading and reflecting on the Bible can also provide insights about our family life.

There are vital lessons to be gleaned from David’s family life.  Lessons easily eclipsed by horrible incidents.  If Tamar and Amnon, David’s daughter and son, appeared on the Dr. Phill Show their interactions would be classified as abusive.  If Amnon and Absalom, David’s sons, were Maury Povich guests there would be violent physical altercations.  In the midst of deep dysfunction and shameful abuse, David, the parent, strove to offer unconditional love and wrestled with his complicity.  Neither the Christian nor Jewish faith traditions consider David’s family holy, but there are sacred moments in his family life we would do well to identify and emulate.

Soon after Nathan called David to account for murder and adultery, God said to David

I will raise up trouble against you from within your own house…I will do this thing before all Israel, and before the sun.  2 Samuel 12:1-12

 David’s family life was a hot mess and the Bible hungout his “dirty laundry” for all to see.  David had many wives and concubines who bore him many children.  The concubines lived in David’s house.  Each wife had her own house where she lived with her children.  Amnon is consumed with lust for Tamar.  Amnon and Tamar shared the same father, but had different mothers and lived in different houses.  A friend advised Amnon

Pretend you are sick and go to bed. When your father comes to see you, say to him, ‘Please ask my sister Tamar to come and feed me. I want her to fix the food here where I can see her, and then serve it to me herself.’” 2 Samuel 13: 5

Amnon pretended to be sick and asked King David to order Tamar to care for him.  After Tamar finished cooking, Amnon ordered everyone to leave the room so he could have sex with her.  Tamar protested,

“…don’t force me to do such a degrading thing! That's awful!  How could I ever hold up my head in public again? And you—you would be completely disgraced in Israel. Please, speak to the king, and I'm sure that he will give me to you.” But he would not listen to her; and since he was stronger than she was, he overpowered her and raped her. 2 Samuel 13:12-14

King David and Absalom were outraged.  Absalom and Tamar had the same mother and lived in the same house.  Absalom sought revenge.  He did not confer with his sister, mother or father.  He did not confer the prophets or follow religious laws.  Absalom tricked his father into sending  all his brothers to a dinner party he hosted during which he killed Amnon.  Abasolm fled the kingdom, David grieved the death of Amnon and, eventually, began to pine for Abaslom, his prodigal son.  Here we see David’s love for his sons.  A love he maintained, in spite of their misdeeds.  My mother used to say, if my brothers or I got in trouble with the law, she would appear in court and testify to the judge and jury.  She would tell them the crimes we committed were her fault and the sentence should be her’s.  The love David had for his sons was and is similar to God’s unconditional love.  Love that is neither diminished or dismissed by sin.

David invited Absalom to return to the kingdom, but was not ready to meet with this son. This isolation angered Abaslom.  Instead of communicating directly with his father, Absalom acted out his anger.  He undermining his father’s power and authority.  Eventually Absalom staged a rebellion that forced David to abandon his palace and leave the kingdom.  David left his concubine and their minders to guard the palace.  Abasolm took over the throne.  Ahithophel, grand father of Bathsheba and former counselor to David, advised Absalom to have intercourse with David’s concubines.  Not only would the rape of these women demonstrate Absalom control of David’s palace and people it also allowed Ahithophel to revenge the rape of his daughter and murder of his son-in-law.  David was confronted by members of King Saul’s family as he fled the kingdom.  They threw stones at him and declared Absalom’s rebellion a punishment from God on David.  Decades before, David had removed Saul from the throne and killed him.  David said,

“If he curses me because the Lord told him to, who has the right to ask why he does it?” Then David said… “My own son is trying to kill me; so why should you be surprised by what the family of Saul says and does? The Lord told him to curse; so leave him alone and let him do it.  Perhaps the Lord will notice my misery and give me some blessings to take the place of his curse.” 2 Samuel 16:10b-12

Here David wrestled with the possibility that his circumstance was divine retribution. He looked to God to show his complicity, to discipline him for contributions, and bless him with forgiveness. 

People loyal to David and people loyal to Absalom go to war.  David ordered his officers and troops not to harm his son.  During one of the battles Absalom’s hair got caught in tree branches.  The animal he rode ran on and left Absalom hanging.  Joab, David’s most loyal and trusted officer, ignored the king’s order and killed Absalom.  David responded to the news of his son’s death

“O my son Absalom, my son, my son Absalom! Would I had died instead of you, O Absalom, my son, my son!” 2 Samuel 19:33

Christian tradition refers to Jesus’ relatives as the Holy Family.  Our romanticizing aboutJesus’ family, offers few insights that help us with real family life.  We are easily outraged by the vices of King David’s family.  Their “dirty laundry” was left hanging, over centuries, for all to see.  Reading and reflecting on these Bible stories about David’s family reveals sacred moments.  Moments that beckon us, in spite of and because of family dysfunction, to love family members the way God loves us; unconditionally.   Sacred moments that encourage us to search for and own our complicity with abuse and dysfunction even when we’ve been victimized.  David’s family life reminds us that, holiness is not a trait reserved for saints.  Holy moments can bloom for grandparents, parents, children, and siblings in the midst of horrible incidents.  And, with God’s help, spouses, nieces, nephews, and in-laws can harvest sacred habits out of dysfunction and abuse.